Imagine Feeling Differently At 5.30AM

By Tan Yan Mei



You have been waking up at 5.30am for the past 20 years. The difference is, for the first 5 years, it was done with enthusiasm as you started your career as a fresh, young, passionate teacher in this new country you have just started to call home. For the next 14 years, you’re an experienced teacher, getting into the momentum of stepping out of the house everyday to fulfil your life purpose in education.

However for the past 1 year since you found out about his affair and now in the process of divorce… when the alarm goes off, you’re dragging yourself up, wondering why you should be starting your day before the sun is up and before anyone else in your house is awake. For 5 seconds you wonder if you can call in sick, but decide against it because your loving responsibility towards your students kick in. “My students need me. Their exams are coming up.”

By 7am you're at school. By 3pm you've managed the emotions of 75 different students and 3 parent complaints. By 5pm you're home and the real shift starts. Dinner. Homework. His call about money. The lawyer. Housework. By midnight your body is exhausted but your brain won't stop. So you lie there, the clock ticking to 5:30am when the world starts making demands on you again.

Day after day, the same treadmill, for the past 174 days.

Imagine actually wanting to get out of bed when your 5:30am alarm goes off

Your nervous system is calm. You make your tea and actually taste it. You sit for 5 minutes and just breathe without worrying. You get to school and you're present - not running on fumes, not counting down the minutes until you can escape. The marking doesn't feel like a punishment. You're actually teaching, not just surviving.

Imagine his text comes through at 6pm and you read it without your stomach dropping

No spiralling or your stomach twisting. No "what does this mean?" No replaying the conversation in your head for the next three hours. You read it, you decide what to do, and feel good about being in control. Neither do you worry about what others will think of your decision, because you’re just so clear what you want and what is good for yourself.

Imagine actually sleeping

8 hours where your brain knows how to shut up. Where your body knows it's safe to rest. You wake up at 5:30am and you actually feel rejuvenated. You're not dragging and feet and not running on your 3rd coffee before 12pm. Even amidst the court battle, you actually feel… okay.

I have no time to imagine

Maybe you think you have no time to imagine or daydream when you need to be making real plans to survive this crisis. Except all this is not fantasy!

I work with expat teachers in your exact situation - drowning in the early mornings and the never-ending nights, convinced this is just what their life has to be. About mid-way through our time together, something begins to shift. Their lives begin to change. What they imagined begins to be reality.

If you want to look forward to living your life again, book a call here and let’s talk about what you would like to have instead.

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