Keeping It Together

When you're going through a toxic divorce, every email from your ex's lawyer can feel like a punch to the gut. You read those cold, clinical words threatening to take away custody. Or demanding ridiculous financial terms. And your stomach drops because you know this isn't about fairness anymore. It's about control. Last week, a client showed me an email where her ex demanded she pay for his therapy sessions. The same man who spent 20 years in the same bed as you, raising the same children, two of which was spent having an affair. The audacity was breathtaking, but sadly, not unusual. What toxic divorce warfare looks like It's 2am and you're wide awake, scrolling through WhatsApp messages that give you that nauseating feeling that sucks your guts dry. Messages designed to trigger you, to make you react badly so they can screenshot your response for court. Your ex shows up unannounced at your work - the same school that your child goes to - creating shameful drama...

Let me put the disclaimer right at the front. I’m not saying self-help books are useless. They are good nourishment for the soul when you have some quiet time by yourself. But just reading the books alone is not enough to get you out of your misery. Why Isn’t Van Gogh A Zen Master? Have you ever wondered - if art is supposed to be therapeutic, then why are famous artists not the most self-regulated zen masters in the world? In fact, many of them were riddled with mental illness. Vincent van Gogh had depression and psychosis. Edvard Munch suffered from anxiety. Yayoi Kusama was haunted by hallucinations. These are people who immersed themselves in art day in, day out. Yet it did nothing to get rid of the demons in their minds. You Started Journalling - And Then What? You're an educated, accomplished expat educator going through a divorce, and you're doing exactly what everyone expects you to do - keeping it together on the surface while everything falls apart underneath. You sho...

You have been waking up at 5.30am for the past 20 years. The difference is, for the first 5 years, it was done with enthusiasm as you started your career as a fresh, young, passionate teacher in this new country you have just started to call home. For the next 14 years, you’re an experienced teacher, getting into the momentum of stepping out of the house everyday to fulfil your life purpose in education. However for the past 1 year since you found out about his affair and now in the process of divorce… when the alarm goes off, you’re dragging yourself up, wondering why you should be starting your day before the sun is up and before anyone else in your house is awake. For 5 seconds you wonder if you can call in sick, but decide against it because your loving responsibility towards your students kick in. “My students need me. Their exams are coming up.” By 7am you're at school. By 3pm you've managed the emotions of 75 different students and 3 parent complaints. By 5pm you'r...

  Because wanting love again feels like your dirtiest secret It’s 2am, and you’re going over visa forms and custody schedules in your head. Bills are piled on your desk. Your ex just sent another text about who's picking up the kids. And then, out of nowhere, this thought sneaks in: What if I could fall in love again? Almost immediately, the shame hits. Fast and hard. The Fairy Tale You're Too Old For You're a grown woman, a mother of two and a professional educator. You have stretch marks and a mortgage and parent-teacher conferences to attend. Yet, last week, you found yourself watching that Korean drama your Year 10 students won't shut up about. The one with the perfect male lead who says all the right things and looks at the girl like she's the only person in the room. You told yourself you were just trying to understand what the kids are into these days. Professional development, right? But the deep dark truth is, you were indulging in a dirty secret in the se...