The Shame We Carry: A Teacher's Journey Through Divorce

Breaking the myth of the perfect educator and discovering self-worth beyond the classroom

As educators, we often hold ourselves to impossibly high standards. We believe we must be perfect role models - people who have it all together, who make all the right choices, who exemplify wholesome lives without complications or messy emotions. Divorce, then, feels like celestial punishment when it happens; it becomes a source of deep shame, making us feel unworthy of standing before our students.

But let's pause for a moment. Read that expectation again. Doesn't it sound utterly ridiculous? We would never demand such perfection from our colleagues, our friends, or even our students. So why do we impose this unrealistic burden upon ourselves?

The Moment Everything Changed

Years ago, when my divorce was still fresh, I found myself in an ordinary moment that would teach me an extraordinary lesson. I was waiting with a 7 year-old student for her parents to arrive. As we chatted about holiday plans, she asked innocently, "What about your husband?"

My cheeks burned with embarrassment. This was the question I dreaded most - the one that forced me to confront my perceived failure as a role model. I could barely choke the words out of my throat, but I said, "I don't have one," I silently prayed for her parents to have a superhero entrance right at that very moment to rescue me from this conversation.

Unfortunately for me, the conversation continued. "How is that possible? You have a daughter, you must have a husband," she reasoned with childlike logic.

I swallowed hard and did what teachers do best - answer questions truthfully. "I did have one, but we're not together anymore."

A Child's Wisdom

Watching her process this information felt like witnessing gears turn in slow motion. This was a conversation I hadn't even had with my own daughter yet, and I desperately wished I had rehearsed it beforehand. I braced myself for judgment, for the moment when she would see me differently, when I would be diminished in her eyes.

Five hours seconds later, she blinked excitedly and chirped, "You know my mummy bought the most yummy Christmas log cake for us..."

I started breathing again. "That was it?" I thought. She didn't judge me. She didn't think less of me. She simply accepted this piece of information and moved on, the way children do when adults aren't there to teach them that some life experiences should carry shame.

The Truth About Unworthiness

In that moment, I realised a profound truth: the only person shaming me was myself. This child, with all her innocence and honesty, had shown me that my divorce didn't define my worth as a teacher, a mother, or a person.

You haven't become unworthy because you chose to leave a situation that made you unhappy. What truly diminishes us is carrying shame that prevents us from being our best selves. The weight of self-judgment is far heavier than any external criticism we might face.

Moving Forward

Today, I work with clients to help them regain their sense of worth and purpose after divorce. My mission is to help educators, parents, and women feel beautiful and proud - not despite their experiences, but because of the courage it took to make difficult choices for their own wellbeing and happiness.

My doors are always open for those who need to release the shame and rediscover their inherent worthiness. Because the truth is, our students need teachers who are authentic, resilient, and human - not perfect.