Why You Can't Afford to Fall Apart (And What to Do About It)

Last week I spoke to a teacher who told me she keeps a photo of her daughter on her desk at school.

Not because it makes her feel better. Because it reminds her why she can't fall apart.

If you're an expat teacher going through divorce, you already know this pressure. Your job isn't just about the money - it's about your visa, your right to stay here, your ability to be near your child. Lose the job, and you lose everything.

So you show up every day. You teach. You mark papers. You smile (you try) at staff meetings. But inside, that nagging question from your 'shadow side' creeps up on you: "How long can I keep this up?"

May I tell you something that might shift how you're seeing this?

The Pressure You Feel Is Not Just In Your Head

There's a real thing that happens when our stress is tied to survival. Your brain goes into what's called hypervigilance mode- which means that you're constantly scanning for threats. Does my boss notice I'm struggling? Did my students notice something is wrong? Am I about to lose everything?

This isn't weakness. This is your nervous system doing exactly what it's designed to do when the stakes are this high.

What most people don't know, is you can't think your way out of hypervigilance. You can't just tell yourself to calm down and expect it to work.

Tell Me Already: What Works??

Before you leave for school each morning, take one minute. Just one.

Close your eyes. Breathe in over four counts. Hold for four. Breathe out over six counts.

Do this three times.

What you're doing is sending a signal to your nervous system that says: "Right now, in this moment, I'm safe."

It won't fix everything. But it will help you walk into that classroom with a bit more capacity to handle whatever the day throws at you.

Good Enough Is The New Perfect

The other thing most people don't realise, is - You don't have to be perfect to keep your job. You just have to be good enough.

Good enough means showing up, planning your lessons, being present with your students, meeting your basic responsibilities. It doesn't mean being brilliant, it doesn't mean going above and beyond, it doesn't mean pretending everything is fine.

So if you've been pushing yourself to be exceptional right now, you can stop. Aim for steady. Aim for consistent. That's enough.

One More Thing That Might Help

If you're scared about your visa status, find out the facts. Not what you think might happen. The actual facts. This is the moment where you need to confront what you are most afraid of - because it really might not be as bad as you think. At the very least, if we are to worry, let's worry about things that are factual.

Talk to HR, talk to a lawyer who knows employment law here, find out exactly what your situation is.

You're not just trying to survive this - you're trying to stay in the place you call home, near the child you love and in the job that gives your life structure and meaning.

All these are big things to bear on your own. The good news is, you don't have to. If what I've said resonated with you, I can be your partner to keep it together and explore a way forward. Shall we schedule a chat?